Pterodactyls, Sat-Navs and Weever fish

Being unemployed, after hours of trawling the internet for jobs, I tend to partake of a few in a certain Young's pub. Normally, there are two people there other than me. One is retired and a keen horse-racing gambler, thus he watches C4 or ATR. We exchange pleasantries. The other is a friend of his, who takes a liquid lunch. It's all very civil and generally quiet.

Some days, though, the "boys" get in early - they may be plumbers, sparks, roofers - whatever. Today, Ian the plumber came in and he is good value. After the usual hellos, he started to talk about the Herons on the park nearby. I nodded quietly whilst trying to think of the tricky resolution to 7 down in my crossword when he uttered "They sound just like Pterodactyls". I left a decent pause and asked "Have you heard a Pterodactyl then?"

"Yes. On a David Attenborough program". I fell off the bar stool.

I know Dave's knocking on, but fer fucksake...when I picked myself up off the floor, he gurned at me and then launched into the giant Jellyfish, shown in some papers today. He relayed a story of when he was younger and living in Cornwall, he scooped up a jellyfish in his swimming mask, then released it then put the mask back on. Then couldn't see when his eyes suddenly turned into pools of acid. He now is somewhat more wary of the sea. I mentioned the Weever fish to him and he simply went white and left. I don't think his kids will be paddling in Eastbourne any time soon.

Then Neil the grumpy Surveyor came in. Always a good laugh and merely bronze-medal grumpy. In a strop because his trip to Hounslow took so long - he's not used to travelling that far into London. I enquired which route he took - at which point he brought out his 1982 A-Z and started flicking through lightly thumbed pages. I suggested he bought a Sat-Nav - he does, after all drive a Volvo. The tirade that ensued was epic. Suffice to say, he doesn't trust them or this "new technology" - which was quite odd as he was tapping away on his BlackBerry to find out his appointments for tomorrow. I told him he could use the maps function on his Blackberry, rather than buy a Sat-Nav.

"Fuck right off, cuntbubble" was his reply.

It is heartening that such people are still out there. And I wouldn't swap them for anything.